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Archive for the ‘The Gunther Files’ Category

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The Gunther Files: Liberal Tonic For Aching Conservatives

In The Gunther Files on July 1, 2009 at 11:54 am

Hello my conservative friends (mcf). Yes, today I hear nothing but moaning and groaning about cap and trade, cap and trade. I feel your pain, and I want to help you to feel much better.

First, Gunther says you must understand what cap and trade is. Many sports teams have a salary cap. This can be a good thing,because it helps the owners to not spend every penny they have on more ballplayers. The President wants to put a cap on pollution.  No more pollution, let’s stop pollution! All of us want cleaner air to breathe, it is common sense. In order to give you clean air to breathe we have to trade in our money. This is a fair deal is it not ? We will clean up our air by an estimated 0.01 to 0.02%. This does not sound like much, but it is not just how much cleaner the air is, it is how you will feel about how you helped to make it cleaner.This bill is for you, about you,and you will love it !(Hypnosis is a beautiful thing is it not ?)

Of course there are many whining complaints about how nobody read the bill, and they still voted on the bill.http://readthebill.org/  What  a silly complaint !! Gunther will now give you a lesson in politics that he usually charges a lot of money for.

  • First – we liberals have our bills written up by our special interest  friends way ahead of time. That way we can slip them in on our timetable.
  • Second- There are many pages ( preferably 1000 or so ) so that nobody will want to read them. I have friends that have not read a book in years, much less a boring bill.
  • Third – We can always add another couple of hundred pages to the bill the morning of the vote, to cram in more regulations, or to add in the extra  brainstorm ideas that O or his handlers get.
  • Remember, when people  complain about the bill, all one has to do is throw up the hands and say,” How was I supposed to know”? Always blame the leadership,” Nancy told me it was about creating jobs”. None of them can lose an election because they are in ” safe zones.” They could dye their hair purple, recite haiku’s all day, and get re-elected.
  • Talk about health care, vote on Cap and Trade. Argue about cap and trade, vote on health care. This is called ” watch my right hand while I stab you in the back with my left.” A neat trick no ?

Gunther knows this was a bad bill. It was so bad it was a close vote. But, the numbers are so skewed in O’s favor he can get anything he wants. Mcf – I can hear you asking, ” why are you being so honest, that is not like a liberal”? Well, the truth is, I am on a sled with O and it is going  downhill at autobahn speed. You are at the bottom of the hill. As you often say, “nuff said”. Hope you feel better.

Until next time, your liberal friend, Gunther.

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The Gunther Files:Liberal Light for Conservative Conundrums

In The Gunther Files on June 24, 2009 at 3:26 am

 

In the interest of preempting the Fairness Doctrine for blogs, the Reality Check administration has invited a blogger of liberal persuasion to do an occasional guest post. Gunther ( a pseudonym  for a real name) will do the honors. Please keep your negative comments civil. 

  Hello,  my conservative friends (mcf) – indeed it is an honor to be able to clear up misunderstandings that you may have about our great president and his policies. Where to start? That night in November when we sipped the champagne and celebrated a great victory ? Or perhaps the day in January when O took the oath of office ? And then took it again for good measure ? No, my friends, I will not rub your American noses in the past.    Let us start with the basics. I will keep it simple, I know conservatives like black and white thoughts with no gray in between.

First, you have a misapprehension that President O is a socialist. That is emphatically not true. He is a Social Democrat. Think this through – he is social, he talks, meets,  mingles, gladhands, and stares at babies. Of course, no one can survive Chicago politics without being a Social Democrat. He is a Democrat , and he socializes.  This is different from socialism. Socialism calls for a small number of people who call the shots for most of the industries of a country. For example, if there were car czar,a bank czar, a money czar, etc. then that would be socialism. ( I see the lights go on in your heads – good)  

  Second, conservatives constantly accuse O  of wanting to overspend and overtax. Again, not true. Even you believe the theory of relativity. A trillion  here and a trillion there. The federal government can print the money. It is not a problem.  A famous man once said, “ to make a little, you gotta spend a little. Think ! To make a lot you must spend a lot. Spending is a necessity. Why begrudge  the helping of people ? What are higher taxes ? It is an opportunity for you, the true blue conservative to give. Another famous one said. “ it is more blessed to give than to receive.” You have a golden opportunity to give, to do good. Even Sean Hannity says blue states out give red states. So step up to the plate and give O your tax money, he will spend it wisely, to help the unions, the poor, the many who will share their appreciation at the next election. As your mother used to say, “doing good is its own reward.”

 Not to wear out your brains, so only one more point. Who is Obama ? An enigma wrapped within an inscrutable  smile? A  well oiled machine that does good ? Yes, and more – he knows what we need, and he will do what it takes to expand our vision of government and people. MCF, you must move beyond simple logic. Ask yourself, what is the sound of my hand clapping ? Break  through your simplistic nationalistic pride and think like the world! That is what O is all about. We are citizens of this world and the sooner you wake up, the sooner you can smell Colombian coffee. Think it through. Signing off for now, your liberal friend Gunther.  

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